When Should a Parent with Dementia Stop Driving — and How to Have That Conversation
A practical guide for adult children in BC navigating one of the hardest conversations in dementia care — when driving becomes unsafe, what the BC process actually looks like, and how to have the conversation without destroying the relationship.
You’ve noticed something. Maybe your parent missed a stop sign they’ve passed a thousand times. Maybe they came home from the grocery store shaken, not quite able to explain what happened. Maybe you just have a feeling — the kind you can’t quite articulate but can’t ignore either.
And now you’re sitting with one of the hardest questions in dementia care: is it time to talk about driving?
This guide is for adult children in BC navigating this moment — what the signs actually look like, how the BC system works, and how to have the conversation in a way that preserves your relationship and your parent’s dignity.
The honest answer to “when should they stop?”
There is no single moment. No test score that automatically triggers a licence suspension. No date on the calendar.
A dementia diagnosis does not automatically mean that a person is unable to drive. Some people may be capable of driving safely for some time after the diagnosis, depending on the timing and how quickly the dementia progresses. What changes is the monitoring requirement — driving ability needs to be actively watched, not assumed safe.
What you’re looking for is a pattern of specific behaviours, not just general decline. The Alzheimer Society of Canada identifies warning signs that include:
- Getting lost on familiar roads
- Stopping in traffic for no apparent reason
- Making poor decisions at intersections, especially left turns against oncoming traffic
- Drifting between lanes or difficulty staying in lane
- Missing traffic signs or signals
- Parking significantly outside the lines
- Reacting slowly or with confusion to unexpected events
- Coming home from a drive shaken, disoriented, or unable to recount where they went
One question worth asking yourself honestly: would you let your teenage child or grandchild ride alone in the car with this person driving, with no supervision? If the answer is no — that’s your answer about readiness to drive.
What the risk actually looks like
I want to share a story a family member told me — a real one, from Surrey.
A 92-year-old man — sharp enough in conversation, still living at home with his wife — decided one afternoon to drive a few blocks to visit a friend. A route he’d driven dozens of times.
He never arrived. And he didn’t come home.
An hour passed. Then two. His wife called their daughter. They called the friend — he hadn’t shown up. By hour three they were considering calling the police. By hour four they were certain something had happened.
He came home after five and a half hours.
He had gotten turned around on the return trip — just a few blocks from home — and couldn’t find his way back. He drove. And drove. Eventually he stopped near a stranger on the street and told them he was lost. They managed to piece together enough to get him home.
He was physically fine. No accident. No injury.
But five and a half hours. A few blocks. A man who didn’t know he was lost until he’d been lost for hours — because the part of the brain that registers “I don’t know where I am” was the same part affected by his dementia.
This is what the risk looks like. Not a dramatic accident. A quiet, terrifying disappearance on a Tuesday afternoon. A wife sitting by the phone. A family trying to decide when to call the police.
The conversation about driving needs to happen before this story becomes yours.
How the BC system actually works
In BC, this process runs through RoadSafetyBC (part of the Ministry of Transportation), not ICBC directly.
In some Canadian provinces and territories, you are legally obligated to tell the driver’s licensing authority about medical conditions that may affect your ability to drive, including dementia. Your doctor is required by law to report to the provincial authorities any medical conditions, including dementia, that impact driving safety.In BC specifically, here’s what happens:
1. The doctor reports. When a physician diagnoses or suspects dementia, they are required to submit a Driver’s Medical Examination Report (DMER) to RoadSafetyBC. This triggers a review of the person’s licence.
2. RoadSafetyBC reviews. They may request additional information, require a functional driving assessment, or in some cases suspend the licence pending assessment.
3. Enhanced Road Assessment (ERA). RoadSafetyBC may require an ERA — an on-road evaluation conducted by an occupational therapist and a driving instructor together. This is the most thorough assessment available and often the most accurate measure of actual driving ability in someone with early-to-moderate dementia.
4. Outcomes. The person may be cleared to drive with conditions (daytime only, local area only, limited speed), required to retest periodically, or have their licence suspended or cancelled.
As a family member, you can also report directly. You don’t have to wait for the doctor to act. In BC, family members can contact RoadSafetyBC and report a concern about a driver’s medical fitness. The report triggers a review. You can do this anonymously if necessary, though it’s more effective with your name attached.
The RoadSafetyBC contact for reporting a medically at-risk driver: 1-800-950-1498 or online at gov.bc.ca/roadsafetybc.
The conversation itself
Most families avoid this conversation too long. Then something happens — a fender bender, a wrong-way incident, a parking lot confusion — and the conversation happens in crisis instead of in calm. Crisis conversations go badly. Calm ones go better.
A few things that change the outcome:
Lead with worry, not accusation. “I’ve been really worried about your safety when you’re driving” lands differently than “You shouldn’t be driving anymore.” The first opens a conversation. The second triggers defensiveness.
Instead of saying “I think you need to stop driving,” try: “I am worried about your safety when you are driving; this is why I would like to discuss driving with you.” Help the person recognize that their own assessment of their driving ability might be impaired by the illness. Share your observations. Recognize their past good driving record, but once this is done, refocus the discussion on the effect of dementia on their present driving abilities.Use specific incidents, not general decline. “Last Tuesday when you came home from Safeway you couldn’t remember which way you’d turned on the highway — that scared me” is more effective than “your driving has been bad lately.” Specific observations are harder to dismiss.
Bring in the doctor. The conversation lands differently from a physician than from an adult child. Ask the family doctor directly to raise driving at the next appointment. Most doctors will, especially if you’ve flagged the concern in advance. The authority of a medical opinion reduces the sense that you’re taking something away — the disease is, not you.
Acknowledge what driving means. For someone who has driven for 50 years, the car keys represent independence, competence, and identity. Losing them is a genuine loss. Don’t minimize it. Acknowledge it directly: “I know this is one of the hardest things to give up. I understand what driving has meant to you.”
Have a plan for what replaces it. The conversation goes better when it isn’t just about loss. If you can show up with a concrete alternative — a schedule for rides from family, a plan for grocery delivery, information about HandyDART in the South Surrey/White Rock area — you’re offering a path forward, not just a door closing.
What to do if they refuse to stop
This is where it gets genuinely hard. Within families, there may be disagreement about when the person with dementia should stop driving. Some people believe the person should stop immediately upon diagnosis. Others may be inclined to overlook some risky driving behaviours in favour of maintaining the person’s sense of independence.
If your parent refuses to stop driving and you believe they’re unsafe, you have options:
Report to RoadSafetyBC. This triggers a formal review that doesn’t depend on your parent’s cooperation. It’s not betrayal — it’s using the system that exists for exactly this situation.
Involve the doctor. Ask the physician to submit the DMER if they haven’t already. Most doctors in BC are aware of their reporting obligation; sometimes they need a family member to flag the urgency.
Practical interventions. Some families disable the car — removed battery, claimed it needs repairs. This is a last resort and can damage trust if discovered. Use it only when safety is genuinely at risk and other options have failed.
The occupational therapist route. An OT with driving assessment experience can conduct an independent evaluation and provide an opinion that carries clinical weight. This is often more persuasive than a family member’s concern and less adversarial than a formal report.
If driving becomes a genuine safety emergency — your parent is clearly impaired and driving regardless — call ICBC at 1-800-663-3051 or contact local police.
After the keys are gone
Driving cessation is a transition, not an ending. It’s totally normal to feel angry, sad, frustrated or hopeless about losing the privilege to drive. As well, it may add strain on the relationship between you and your friends and family. Give your parent time to grieve the loss. Don’t expect immediate acceptance.
In the weeks after, watch for depression. Driving cessation in older adults is associated with increased isolation and depressive symptoms — not because they’re no longer driving, but because the mobility and independence driving provided have disappeared. Replacing that mobility matters as much as stopping the driving did.
Transportation options in the White Rock and South Surrey area worth knowing:
- HandyDART (BC Transit’s accessible transit service) — for those who meet eligibility criteria, provides door-to-door transit
- South Fraser Community Services — transportation assistance programs for seniors
- BRELLA Community Services Society — can help connect families with local transportation resources
- Grocery delivery from local stores has become genuinely reliable and can address one of the biggest practical gaps
A note on the guilt families carry
Most adult children who navigate this well still feel guilty. They feel like they took something away from their parent. The reframe that matters: you didn’t take anything. The disease did. What you did was respond to what the disease had already done — before it hurt someone.
The families who wait too long carry a different kind of guilt. The kind that comes after an accident.
If you’re sitting with this question and not sure what to do next, that’s exactly the kind of situation my care navigation call is designed for. Not to make the decision for you — but to help you think it through clearly before something else makes it for you.
Not sure where to start?
I offer free care navigation calls for families navigating dementia and senior care in BC. Tell me a little about your situation and I’ll reach out within 24 hours.
Free resource: Get the BC Dementia Caregiver Kit — 9 printable templates including daily care logs, conversation scripts, doctor visit prep sheets, and more.
This article is part of the Aging at Home series. Also see: South Surrey Dementia Guide · White Rock Dementia Guide
More in Aging at Home
Gurjot Narwal · Founder, Gini Advanced Care Hospital · Founder, Ginie Health Canada · Owner, Home Instead White Rock · 100ers · gurjotnarwal.com